September 03 2013 Update

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I’ve been meaning to write here and make an update about our infertility journey and some of random events that happened here in the philippines but I always end up losing it in the first few words so that made all my attempts failed.

I have to share that maybe the reason why im always losing it is because I’ve been so lost already to begin with, I wanted to update the growth of our journey but to the mere honesty of it, there are no growths at all. - That’s why i fail because our journey is still a failure/matter of factly/.:(

 Now, I had to break the habit of losing it as im trying to brave up a little because I have to be at some point a positive person and that yes, despite my still empty womb there has been a lot of progress that I need to write here- 

Last week, 082713, I have done a surgery called Laparoscopy (a surgery that makes 3 or 4 incisions (4 in my case) in the abdomen to check out the inside of the uterus and treat any possible diseases or infertility problems. It was a huge step to make because first, I havent had a surgery since birth and I’ve never done any tests that says I needed the laparoscopy and lastly, the cost was half the price of a traditional ivf already/so you can just imagine/. Emotionally, physically and financially there was truly an effort involved but the effort of physical pain after the surgery was the biggest effort of all- it was torturous and very very painful and the only thing that lingered on my mind was that “I was one step closer to having my very own baby.” that gave me slight relief in the midst of aches and pain.

The diagnosis of the doctor was that I had stage 2-3 Endometriosis (that was already my instinct.) and that the ends of both my fallopian tube was narrow (not normal) and he fixed the problems already and to top it off, there would be a great chance to conceive in the next 6 months following my lap so at one point I was ecstatic because at least I know what’s wrong and it has been cured already but there was still a negative news out of the whole diagnosis and that is my fallopian tubes might possibly go back to its narrow size after 6 months. Conclusion would be if God grants us a child within the 6 month period, it would be harder for us to conceive again and my dreams of having a big family would be quite impossible again  :(

Pain, Struggles, Hardships and a lot of efforts are involved but I am trying my best to be optimistic despite it all.

I hope that one day I could write a happy story here.