I've been meaning to visit this blog and reminisce all those moments in the last 4 years of my infertility struggles so I could recollect and remind myself of the experiences I've been through and where I am now.. BLESSED & Finally PREGNANT!.. but before I start, I want to share with you how much I've dreamed of this very moment that I would finally be writing an entry not about hurt and frustration caused by infertility but about the JOY & COMPLETENESS this pregnancy has instantly brought into my life.. THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE. I've been wanting to write this piece and it took me a few days to finally sit down with focused mind and calm thoughts just to justify in words every emotion; joy, amazement, appreciation, fullness, admiration to my Lord and Savior, disbelief, astonishment and all the great and wonderful words I forgot to put here..
Here goes:
It was May 12 of 2015
A beautiful tuesday indeed, well for me it is.. I was preparing myself for a minor cosmetic surgery called "Blepharoplasty" - to remove some of excess fats on my upper eyelids as I have droopy and hooded eyelids and would want them to look more youthful & bigger.. I was excited that day and also nervous as I did not know exactly what to expect.. The nurse from Belo (The clinic I have an appointment with) texted and reminded me that I need to fast and that last meal should be before 11:00AM (meaning, no solids and water after that) so what I did was I ate heavy breakfast at around 10:00AM drunk as much water as I can before I reach the 11:00AM mark and just waited and left the house at 3:30PM for my scheduled 5:00 PM procedure...
As soon as I arrived in the clinic.. My Husband Peng drove me and just parked outside to wait for me as it wouldn't take that long.. estimate time of the procedure is just an hour to an hour and a half all in all...
So I got there.. sat and waited for my name to be called..
As i entered the procedure room, the nurse talked about the procedure and had me sign and fill some of the informations needed before the procedure..and the last question she asked was "when was your last period?" I instantly answered "I cant remember anymore" and I took my phone out from my bag just to check if I've recorded it but for some odd reason I couldnt see where I tracked it.. after moments of uncertainty, the nurse told me that its ok.. That she'll just give me a pregnancy test to make sure.. I was thinking in my mind "the test alone might have additional charge just to give me an insult that I am not pregnant again.." so after that messy thought, I told her to give me a minute to look on my phone because I was quiet sure I recorded it and was also quiet sure that I'm definitely not pregnant.. but after several seconds I still can't find it so I gave in to the idea of testing with a urine test.. she gave me a robe to put over my clothes, socks, advised for me to wash my face and gave me a clear container to collect my urine and she lead me to the rest room..
So as demanded, I did what I was told to do, left my urine in the rest room and got back to the procedure room... after a few seconds/minutes the nurse came in with the pregnancy test.. she handed it to me so I could sign the back of it just to make sure I saw that it was "negative" as what I've always expected.. and that we could proceed... I even blurted a joke to the nurse and said "magugulat nalang ako kung mag positive yan dahil 4 yrs na kami nag try lahat ginawa na namin.. pero wala talaga" (I would be surprised if that test would turn out positive as we've been trying for 4 yrs and did everything we could but still ended up with nothing) and I could remember how the nurse looked at me with empathy and just replied with "aww... ganun po ba?" (aww.. is that so?) and I told her yes.. that I've undergone so much infertility treatments and procedures.. and this time I wanted to do this procedure for myself and that I'm so excited and nervous! haha..
after the conversation, I saw the nurse going back to the table where she placed the "negative" pregnancy test I just signed earlier and staring at it for a few seconds.. she excused herself for a while and got out of the room..
I had a hunch.. It was not a very clear memory but I could recall that right after I signed the pregnancy test and gave it back to the nurse I vaguely saw that there's a faint second line.. but didn't mind as for the past 4 years.. we didn't ever experience seeing that second line.. faint or dark... so I assumed I'm just hallucinating..
After a few minutes, the nurse got back again and approached me with a smile she's controlling to show.. "Ma'am, do you mind testing again? because there is a second line."
Oh my gosh!!!! imagine how I felt? I instantly replied "joke ba yan? baka sa iba yan!" (is that a joke? that might be someone else's) and she told me that its mine..
To be honest.. I didnt know what to feel.. I was not believing it that time but I was so hoping that it's true.. excited for it to be true.... She gave me another test and a cup of water to drink and asked if I could do it again... I was dumbfounded and couldnt think clear.. I messaged my husband who has been waiting outside and told him I might not do the procedure today.. The nurse demanded for one more test.. I told her how we never ever saw positive tests for the hard 4 years of our trying to conceive journey so I still cant believe that it might be true..
I went in the rest room again and collected my urine.. the nurse on the other hand was waiting for me to finish and told me to just wait in the procedure room... so I did.. those minutes that I was stuck alone in that room was a moment for me to talk to God.. recall the moments.. asked the lord if whats happening is real.. I prayed.. prayed harder and prayed even harder again.. I was not fully believing it yet.. I was just happy to see that second line.. It has been a dream for years that's been instantly granted...
and while waiting.. i heard the nurses from outside the room clapping their hands and cheering.. I thought "is that because of a positive again?" but I also thought it maybe because of other reasons.. so I'm back alone waiting again...
the nurse entered and approached me.. she was smiling.. "ma'am there is a second line again."
and suddenly my world stopped.
As soon as I got back in the car again, while my husband is doing something on his laptop, I told him I have to resched.. he was confused and asked why.. i told him I got scared.. which annoyed him as I saw it on his face.. hehe and then i slowly took the 2 positive tests inside my bag and handed it to him..
Just like me.. he was out of himself.. teary eyed .. hugged me tight and asked me the same question I asked myself "how did it happen"?
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the next thing we know is while on the middle of the road, I played our song for our future baby the only song we dedicated for him/her years ago.. every word is intentionally dedicated for him/her.. just like it is really written for us..for our baby.. :) Thousand Years - Christina Perry
We are crying nonstop and tears of joy keep running down our cheeks..
THANK YOU LORD... we are giving all the glory and praise to you... 4 years in the making.. You made it possible.. you made it great.. Thank you for answering our prayers.. Praying for a smooth pregnancy and a healthy and normal baby.. I owe this miraculous gift of life to you my God....
will be making a testimony of this great miracle from God on another blog post and how God transformed me from nothing into something...So I hope & pray to begin and end my story to inspire people like me, to record my own thoughts (not that I would ever forget because I wouldn't - ever -) and lastly, to justify God's greatness in our lives.. to bring glory to his name and to lift every praise and worship to no one but him...
But for now.. I will end with these......
To God be all the glory and praise!
I'm currently 4 weeks and 5 days today :)
We live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7
