Samuel Knox - Birth Story -

It was around 7:30 am when I started feeling hardening of stomach and mild abdominal cramps that lasted seconds and would recur a few minutes after again and again.. at first I didnt mind it at all since I was already feeling the hardening since I entered 3rd trimester so given the fact that I slept at 4:30am that night because of pregnancy insomnia, I was planning to go back to sleep til around 1:00pm because thats what I literaly do almost everyday... I didnt know what an actual contraction feels like so I never ever thought that was happening already...

It was a tuesday morning January 26 of 2016, peng was in the shower getting ready for work and me anticipating every aches and pain as I was already 41 weeks pregnant and overdue I thought to myself maybe this could be it? but then again.. it was so mild I could not even tell it was painful...

When peng entered our room already dressed up and ready to leave, I told him I was feeling this hardening and cramps but not quiet sure if this is "the one" that I should be feeling.. so I asked him to text or call his boss and let him know that he would be late for work that day because we are monitoring the contractions...

at around 8:15am the cramps were getting stronger.. and peng had me download a contraction app so we monitorred the intervals.. it was every 3-5 minutes apart now... peng decided that I take a shower already and he called my doctor to let her know... Unfortunately, the doctor didnt anwswer so he just left a message letting her know about the contractions and the interval.. I was already leaking tinge of blood every now and then and I had it on my panty liner...

Fortunately, The doctor called back and my husband told her about my contractions and she demanded that we go to the hospital and go straight to labor and delivery.

so while in the shower, the contractions were getting stronger I had to pause everytime i feel it... after taking a shower, I made sure I put a decent amount of makeup. yes! makeup hehe just a bb cream and put an eyebrow makeup and also a little contour since you know how much a makeup junkie I am! hehe My husband was laughing at  me because I was still trying to get ready with makeup and all and I'm just pausing every time contraction hits....

We waited for my mom to arrive (from her work) to escort as to the hosp together with my grand mother and I asked them to drop by mcdonalds for a drive thru so we could have breakfast.. they were all astound as they think labor is hard but to be honest the contractions werent that painful yet at that point... and they were coming and going...

so as soon as we arrived at the hospital my mom told peng to ask for a wheel chair but I said I dont need it as ive explained it wasnt that painful yet.. but my husband was too overlyprotective so he asked someone for wheelchair assistance..

I was then wheeled to labor and delivery...(honestly, I was scared I would be obliged to go back home because the pain I was feeling wasn't that "movie worthy" yet. Hehe but at the same time It was the most happiest, exciting and scariest time of my life... I recalled looking around every corner..everything I saw made its significant memory for my most happiest day....the hallway.. The nurses.. The hospital doors.. The air.. Everything.. I was trying to record every thing I saw.. Felt.. It was surreal.

we were asked to fill up form before heading to our very own birthing suite! :)

Nurse asked for me to remove my clothes and change to this very appealing hospital gown. hehe

It was around 9 am when I felt the contractions hitting more painful again..

I was so glad I ate an egg mcmuffin and iced coffee because as I was about to get my epidural, the nurse instructed that I cannot eat anything anymore...

The nurse did an internal exam only to find out that I was just 4 cm dilated still

but when my doctor arrived, she told me i could go ahead and get my epidural since she will be dilating me..

I could still remember how panicky and scared I got because the thought of putting ahuge needle on my back scares the hell out of me already.

so when the anesthesiologist came, I was super super scared.. he then asked everyone to leave and let my husband stayed with me.. he instructed on what I should do and there I was, crying non stop.. scared.. and horriffied.. my husband held my hand and saw how I had to undergo such experience..

My contractions came and left and I was getting scared and excited for the final moment that I would be pushing my baby out my body.

I remember when I already had the urge to push the baby out, the doctor is still isn't there so nurses instructed me not to push at all and wait for my doctor..

Meanwhile I had a Playlist in my phone that is connected to our Bluetooth speaker that is playing in the background as I have prepared it for that special day. It was only 3 or 4 songs.. 1. Thousand years (our song for our baby.. During our darkest times (infertility) 2. How great is our God. 3. Somewhere over the rainbow (we used to sing this song to our baby when he was still in my tummy because it sounded as (Samuel-the name we gave to him.. So we sing it as "Samuel over the rainbow and he would kick hehe)

So back to the real thing, my doctor came and I remember the birthing suite suddenly looked like a surgery room as lights were turned on and "medical tools" were prepared.

..... And then I was instructed on how to breath and push.. So I did.. After several tries the doctor said I can see the head! I was already crying due to mixed emotions.. My husband holding my hand and crying with me telling me to push some more and we could already see the baby we've been waiting for years...

I pushed.. Pushed some more.. Doctor even made a cut since the baby's head got stuck for a while and I was super nervous of that.. But after the cut when I pushed there he is.. Coming out of me like the ones you see in the movies.. It was surreal.. I could still cry just thinking about it.. They laid him on my chest.. I'm crying.. My husband's crying.. My mom's crying.. My grandmother's crying.. My little brothers recording the moment.. And there I was rediscovering a new kind of love right in front of me it was magical.. I still remember getting concerned because our little baby's not crying so I asked what's wrong? Why is he not crying? They said that "nothing he's fine".. So when The nurses took him away to take his weight that's when I heard him cry for the first time and me and peng even laughed for a while amazed that he knows that he is not with his mama already that's why he cried...

He was given back to me so I could try to breastfeed and even though the feeling was all new I knew that the obligation.. The love.. It would be for a  lifetime..

We named him Samuel Knox.. Samuel because of 1 Samuel 1:27.. It was the story I read in the Bible during one of our failed ivf treatments.. It was about this barren woman who asks God for a child and God gave him one and she named him Samuel.. and I knew in that moment that by my faith God would also eventually bless us with a child (either through miracle or adoption)... And Knox "just because" actually it was peng who liked the name he got it from Brad Pitts son named knox.

I am forever blessed to that I have this story as a part of my life now.. Because this story made me whole.. I've been waiting all my life to feel these.. To have these.. And God has been so gracious for having me experience this kind of joy..

My birth story is totally a life changing event that I would never forget..

Thank you again dear Lord for allowing me to be a mom and to experience this kind of love.. The love that I have for my son.. For Samuel knox.. :)

My dearest Samuel Knox (1st letter to my son)

March 22 2016
1:15 AM

My Love

It has been 8 weeks since I gave birth to you. So much has happened since you came into this world... Just thinking about how much youve grown from the day I first saw you brings pure nostalgia.

I could still remember how small you were.. not that theres already a big difference as far as your size is concern but believe me, being your mom made me treasure and notice every intricate detail you have.

To name a few:
The way you snore so loud while sleeping and sometimes even if youre just super tired..
The way you make this adorable squeaky sound everytime you drink milk..
The way you coo and distort your lips when youre trying to talk back..
The sound of your cry when sleepy or hungry
& the way you move your arms and legs as actively as you can while watching nursery rhymes..

Also, I could notice every change and milestone you make everyday (just like how its your first time tonight to laugh aloud in your sleep, I had to wake your dad so he could see it too! youre just super cute)

In other words,I am just too inlove with you that I recorded every single memory in my head effortlessly..

I want to let you know that youve given me nothing but happiness since the day I found out Im pregnant up to this very moment youre sleeping right beside me.. theres literally no words that I could use yo describe how complete you made me feel anak.. I am super elated as I am also super very blessed..

You are my answered prayer.. my living miracle and Gods greatest reminder of his unending love and faithfulness to me..

As your mother i have so much big dreams and goals for you in this life.. but out of all those grand dreams my biggest prayer and my deepest desire is for you to grow up knowing and following the Lord.. I want you to be God fearing, Happy and knows that I am always here for you no matter what..

I know one day you would be able to read these words and would not remember a single thing but for now I just want to pour my happiness in this letter so you could have a glimpse of how much Ive enjoyed every single moment I spent with you...

There would be thousand more letters anak just because im emotional like that :)

I just want you to know that taking care of you and watching you grow is the greatest privilege and responsibility God has ever entrusted to me and I will always be honored to be called your mom..

Thank you for making me the happiest mother and for making my wish come true!

I love you way too much knox and I would/could die in a heartbeat for you..

Forever here,
MAMA

39 Weeks and 3 days 1/18/16

Today is 1/19/16 but I will be updating from my doctors appt that happened yesterday..
Doctor told me that I am 2 cm dilated but my cervix is still posterior (after I had to google, I found out that it means the cervix is still tilted backwards) and she did stripped my membrane hoping for active labor to start asap.

Anyhow I am measuring 135.6 lbs from my starting weight of between "100-103" lbs.. Making final gain weight approximately around 35 lbs.. not that it really matters but I just want to record it here if incase I forget hehe

Lastly, I feel a little frustrated since I've always thought I would give birth earlier :( A lot of people are asking and nudging  when the baby is coming... (again, not that I dont like but I am also starting to get a little impatient)

Oh well. Baby Samuel has his own time and I will just be patient waiting for him... I already prayed and prayed for a safe and fast delivery since I was 8 months pregnant because I have a very low tolerance for pain....BUT THIS IS THE ONLY MOMENT THAT I FOUND MYSELF IMPATIENTLT AWAITING FOR THE PAIN OF LABOR TO START JUST TO HOLD OUR LITTLE SON IN MY ARMS ALREADY... AHHH!! The joy and sacrificial love of a mother!! I knew I already have in my heart now for my son :)

Hopefully this is the last pregnancy blog and next time I write here, I would be posting about my little darling :)

Our Maternity Shoot at 38 Weeks :)

Here are some of our Maternity Photos *** taken 01.09.16

37 Weeks and 4 days pregnant

January 7 2016

Happy New Year!

I cant believe how 2015 went by that fast... The Lord has blessed me with so much blessings which are all unexpected and surreal...

I will never.. ever.. forget 2015... :)

I dont know what to write about all I know is that I wanted to record my current thoughts before it becomes part of the past.

I am now 37 weeks pregnant. (FULL TERM ALREADY) I still cant believe this pregnancy would already end soon.. I had a blast despite despite all the crazy and ugly effects including my ugly stretchmarks and my swolen face :D

I could give birth any day now and I am so nervous and excited I couldnt explain! I hope and pray that my delivery would be smooth and fast...

Whichever way it happens, I know it would be one heck of a ride! a memory that would forever be etched in my heart...