Getting ready for our first FET

Sep 17 2014

Yesterday was a hard day. I went to by doctor and was discussing our upcoming fet - I am both anxious and excited but more on anxious (cant lie) for the upcoming protocol. My mind has been wandering too much * what if it still doesnt work this time? what if all our little savings would be drowned to nothing again? what if it fails again? would I still be able to move along with life? since this is our last hope for now because we only have 3 morula in the freezer at the moment and from my point of view not all frozen embryos thaw well and survive for transfer. Would I still be brave and strong and do I get crazy and more depressed if it fail?

Yes- I am just lurking into the possibility if it failing primarily because ive felt that way for the past 3.5 years.

but i hope it all goes well good. fingers crossed.

I am now waiting for my period so I can start my estrogen pill to build up my lining so by the time of transfer my the embies would and could attach easily.

I pray to our heavenly father that he will fill my heart with strength and optimism and faith.

I surrender all these to my amazing father and to my savior jesus christ.

To God be all the glory and praise! regardless if its a negative or positive.

LIfting it all up to God

Sep 3 2014

Its been months since I last updated here in my blog. Yes, I have the same old infertility that I  didnt expect to stay with me up until this very day. 

After numerous attempt on follicle monitoring and lots of clomid and other fertility drugs, 1 Laparoscopy surgery, 2 failed IUI's and 2 failed IVF I'm still here fruitless of any of those treatments - still barren and frustrated.

To any of you women who got pregnant on the first try, or to those lucky girls who didnt know they are pregnant til the last minute and more lucky enough not to spend any of your money for meds and treatment - it may seem bad for me to say but I envy you. I envy every women who have been blessed to become mothers and experience the joy of parenthood but I am also very happy for you all - You are very lucky and blessed.

Envy for motherhood has been a part of me since I started to do it all out just to have a child - whether i like to feel it or not - I DO. 

On the contrary, as i have gotten more closer to jesus and accepted him as my lord and savior, I've slowly learned that he has a divine plan for each of us here on earth. 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11"

I've learned that no matter how hard I try, the lord plans still persevere. Yes, It is a very hard battle struggling with infertility for years but I've decided to lift it all to God - to surrender to him my burdens, my fears, my worries and most of all the pain and emptiness I've been carrying all this time.

As I started to read the bible and encounter God's message to me I have been a little shaken and confused and I have also researched back and forth whether to continue with our treatments or not - because as what the ending point and summary will always be - It is still up to the lords plan and time - not mine.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." - Proverbs 19:21

Ive ended with my part of conclusion as his divine answer for my longing heart  (as I've been asking him on what to do.) And after all those nightly prayer and surrendering - I know that what he wants me to do is pursue with what my heart desires. He planted this  strong desire of motherhood in my heart and never changed a thing - only it grows more and more hungry for that desire to be filled in.. He planted this desire for a reason.. He gave me signs that I will be a mother someday - He gave me answers and I believe I will be for with God nothing is impossible. 

No- I wont be stopping treatments - specially that this is the last try in my head (for now) since we are running out of funds and since we have 3 left embryos in morula and early blastocyst stage that is frozen for the meantime. so might as well give them the chance at life and yes - lift it all to the lord.

Miraculously.. God answered my prayer in the most obvious and miraculous way he could. Ive prayed for nights asking him to guide me and bless us with financial provisions as our bank account is already almost empty for upcoming treatments asking him to provide for us if it is his will for us to pursue it. Luckily, my husbands grandmother gave us enough money out of the blue (enough for treatments) and as Ive gotten the jolt of joy after receiving the news, I knew it was God. 

I knew. I felt the lords presence and help lending out a certain person as his instrument to answer my prayer and request! praise the lord!

I may not understand his timing but I understand that I am under his plan. Wherever he takes me - I will surrender it to him.

For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” - Romans 10:13

Now, I recently tried to treat my immune system and underwent LIT treatment to correct it- so far, my husbands blood didnt help - we continued with donors blood hoping for the best results it could give.

This upcoming Sep 5 I will have my blood drawn to see the results. I will also lift it to the lord and pray that he will help us get the best results possible. - so we could embark the IVF transfer for my frozen babies.

I am trusting the lord and I will forever trust him. Yes, I dont say that its easy because it is very hard but theres no other way I want to be in than his divine plans for me :)

"The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands. " - Psalm 138:8