as I have mentioned before, We've already tried to do mini IVF (using only clomid) in the states - I was able to produce 3 mature eggs and so the doctor was able to retrieve them all but 2 just got fertilized after ICSI so the doctor transferred our 2 perfectly grade A embryos on day 3 - and yet, It failed. It was a negative. Out of the two, nothing took and implanted and our lives was crushed.
Long before we started the procedure I have to admit that I was truly hesitant to do it majority because of my faith to God - I've read all the articles on christian's and catholic's take about it and I found myself skeptical and unwilling to start. It says that no one should have the right to make a life in unnatural way (and that consists of medical procedures, doctors and science) and only God has the ability to give us children through the "natural way". There were many aspects they were trying to point out but to cut it short it was concluded that christian/ catholic community are fully against it.
and then of course out of my uncertainty and fear I agreed. I agreed that faith moves mountains so I just need to keep on having faith and wait for the miracle to happen. Ironically, It was tough how my faith and deep desires out of my life was fighting - I agreed because just the thought of making a child outside my body sounds like a really scientific experiment. I was really in deep confusion and struggle but I did it anyway despite how much confusion and battle my mind has.
After my laparoscopy procedure, Besides my endometriosis, I found out how my fimbrial ends were distorted and not functioning as it should but the doctor tried to dilate both of them with the hopes of great news (so we also hoped)- for it to function normally and for me to get pregnant soon after my surgery. We were given the window to conceive for the first 3 months after as the highest chance to get pregnant and if not, we'll be turning our route to ivf because it only means that my tubes even after the dilation would not ever function normally again.
We tried IUI after the laparoscopy with high hopes and great vision that everything is okay with me already but after having it failed again, we knew something was still up. My tubes are still malfunctioning. We even tried the "natural way" but still ended up getting my period as expected.
And then I realized that sometimes your perceptions on things about life would inevitably change based on your situations and experiences in life. It doesnt mean that you are indecisive rather it means that youre broadening your horizons and opening your mind to other point of views in life and agreeing with them.
After getting hurt month after month and after hearing the doctor telling straight to our faces that we have none to slim chance of conceiving naturally because of my tubes I instantly changed my take on doing IVF. I realized that God made doctors to help people in deep need of medical assistance. Medical procedures (in all sorts) are made for people who are sick and hopeless.
God allowed certain things to happen in our lives for him to see how much willing we are to fight for the things we desire. IVF is there for hopeless people who are like us to give us the hope that we need to move on and to continue to stay strong. IVF doesnt mean you dont have faith in God but it means that you have stronger faith in him that despite your hopeless case, you still trust him, you trust the people he made to be there to help you and to reach your goals. IVF means that youre fighting, that you want this bad enough to happen, that youre stronger than you ever thought you could be because despite the emotional, physical and financial risks you still master the courage to gamble everything. IVF is a symbol of bravery for people who think they are all weak and weary. I still believe that God still has the final say and thats the mere reason why it fails sometimes.
and despite how much I used to believe that faith alone moves mountains I have to rephrase that and quote these wise words from Mason Cooley: "faith moves mountains but you have to keep pushing while youre praying."
