Dec 31 2012 Saying adios to 2012

Dec 31 2012

Today marks as the last day of 2013 and being the sentimental person that I am, I could not let this pass without having to write here as memories the joy, happiness, pain and sorrow that year 2012 brought in my life and in our lives as married couple.

The biggest highlight of my life this year was getting married in the church and in front of God with almost all our families and friends. I will never. No, never forget that feeling of walking down the aisle and forwardly looking to the man in the end of the altar sobbing and waiting for me.

As what I have thought it was - it was surreal. I have always envisioned getting married to someone who would do everything he can for me.

After we were in our honeymoon - It was paradise ! I could not ask for more serenity and beauty of nature all at once. We had a blast!

I thought that was the start of our fairytale.

I was wrong. the biggest highlight started and ended there.  I could say that year 2012 have mostly shook my life hard core.

The mother of my husband (refusing to call her my mother-in-law) had her most evil ways of proclaiming her hate and emotions on our marriage. Despite that all pengs family had a definitely bad impressions of me because of wrong stories and descriptions, I wanted to be close to my his family. but I guess this year wasnt the right timing.

I thought that was the worst this year could bring, I was wrong again.

 Dec of 2011 we started to try to conceive. We figured, I couldnt burst my tummy in 2 months by the time of our wedding on feb 2012. We were so positive we would fall pregnant once we stopped using contraceptives. We were wrong

This year, we learned we were infertile.

We had tests and it showed that peng has low sperm count. We were offered in-vitro if in 6 months we are still not yet successful. We thought that was too much. Just the thought of using any device outside my body to make our very own child was so unbearable for me.  I hoped and cried every single month. and add prayers to that, lots of prayers.

Now, It has been a year, and along with the despair and pain came acceptance, that sometimes not all could work out accordingly. I accepted that even though it was my dream to have my very own children I had to put a lot of patience for me endure this. and also, acceptance that even though peng tries to do everything he could for me, he could not be perfect and I accept that ( I honestly had trouble accepting that) but now I do. I remember I vowed, through good times and bad times and in sickness and in health..

I realized, the  true essence of accepting the pain while youre on it is the true measure of strength in marriage.

Well, to cut the story short- Next year we will be doing the mini ivf. And now I am so open to the idea.  :)

We are looking forward for a successful 1st cycle!

2013 please be good to us.