January 30 2013 Moving on...

1/30/2013

On my last blog, I’ve written that we had a negative home pregnancy test and after that day I had a blood test in my doctor’s clinic and it also confirmed that the results was really negative.

We were so down we cant explain the pain.

In the middle of our ivf treatment, me and peng talked about having a backup plan if the cycle would unfortunately fail - merely because we could already envision how hurt would we be if that happens. We knew that after a year long of trying and in the end just being disappointed and hurt, we knew we couldnt handle a failed IVF cycle if it happens - we couldnt function anymore.

In the verge of our thoughts, I suggested we go back to philippines if the ivf cycle failed as I was already getting sick of the life here in the states; Dragging myself every single day to work and going home tired and bored and feeling useless as a person. I never dreamt of living here. I stayed for the thought that we could easily save for our future family but since it’s not happening as planned, I thought of deciding to walk away from what’s stressing me and to detach our lives in this routine. I figured, what’s the sense of saving for something that is unlikely to happen? life is too short to waste and I hope moving back to philippines would remove the stress these issues are bringing in our lives.

So, after knowing that our treatment was a failure, I wasnt able to imagine that we could continue our lives here. As me and peng cried for the hundredth time it weakens us already, we already knew what to do.

Now were movin on to our new lives. packing up all our stuff to destress and relax and to just be free (indefinitely ofcourse)

We’re hoping we could still have a child of our own.

Trusting and having faith in God.