February 18 2013 On moving on and making changes

2/18/13

I have to start by a quote from Henri Burgson “To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” At some point in our lives we are forced to make major changes whether we like it or not in order to grow, to expand and to prosper into a better, stronger and more mature person.

After experiencing painful consequences caused by infertility, me and peng decided to make some drastic changes in our lives and that is to entirely move on, quit our jobs, and take a break and fly back to philippines and stay there indefinitely. It was a big deal to consider but we both knew that was the most helpful way we could cope.

I have to say that working here in the states brought us good and stable life as married couple, it indeed helped us get almost everything we need and want (be it life’s necessity or just useless things that entices us) but after feeling it all, there is something big lacking and that is our longing to be parents and to have our own child-  and unluckily, life was unfair to us on that part as we were unfortunate to conceive on our own and even with the help of medical intervention such us IUI and IVF.

And that was too much to handle already.

What’s the use of earning and saving money for something you dont have any idea if it would still happen or not?

We’ve lived the good life but good life without a child isnt worth it anymore.

Today I am here at work typing whatever is in my mind. Actually it is more on the bitter sweet side as I will also be missing some people here at work that was been so good to me. Today is monday and my last day here at work would be on wed. How time flies. but yes, we have to make some changes not just to grow and mature but also to heal and recover from pain.

I will forever be bringing with me all the memories that this work (mostly it really is my coworkers that I appreciated) has brought in my life and will keep it in my heart.

I have to move on. I have to make a change, I have to grow some more and most of all I have to heal my wounded heart.

I have to take a picture of my desk as a remembrance because I know that even though I’m already sick and tired of working here, in the very corner of my heart I will miss this place (will surely miss) this little nook/workplace as I’ve been sited here for almost 3 years now; working, learning, surfing the internet, watching movies and videos and yes, writing my personal blog etc etc. This desk and computer was a witness of my growing curiosity and adaptability to minor changes in life. I am feeling a little sentimental that I would soon leave but as what I’ve said, changes should be taken. So at long last, here I am taking a mental note of this very hour so that I could never forget how this nook exhausted and comforted me all at the same time.