And I am renewed.

Romans 12:2

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

I will just start from saying that I was born and raised as a catholic. All my families and relatives from both sides are all catholic. I thought that was the only religion people have - As I grew older, I begun to become more aware of christ.. I knew and I was taught that God gives us the blessings that we have in our everyday life. There was one instance in my childhood where Jesus Christ appeared himself to me. Yes, it sounds like a joke but it wasnt. I saw him based on how he looks like in pictures.. I saw him from our old house - I was downstairs and somehow a light reflected on me and I stared in between the spaces of our stairway to the second floor, and then there he was, Jesus - his appearance was concocted with the light... after a few seconds, it disappeared..

As a child, I didnt take it so seriously, I just tell that story randomly to people whenever jesus is the subject.. but for me that was it.. because to begin with, I already knew he existed. I believed in him and there was never a day that I did not.. I just knew that he made me feel special by appearing to me..

Growing up, I try to gather that instance over in over in my mind. I kept on telling the lord how special he made me feel for not all people see him randomly just like how he showed his image to me. As I grow older and older I am becoming more and more astound.

I guess that summons my strong faith to the lord. I've always known him and loved him also acknowledged and appreciated him eversince. 

I've always had a strong relationship with the lord.. I pray all the time.. I talk to him in random minutes of my life , I think of him as my imaginary friend, savior and God. he is and always has been my rock. 

There was even a time in my life where I thought that I was one of his favorites because I never truly had a major problem in my life..

not until I experience this thing called infertility...

to sum the pain - it is unbearable..

I had prayed and prayed.. called the lord.. asked the lord.. begged the lord.. cried and cried and questioned the lord..

and then there was a time where I stopped praying.. stopped believing.. although I still knew that God is always there I just thought that he didnt care for me not unlike when I was still younger..

I went by with treatments that emptied our bank accounts... i still pray from time to time.. yes.. i still believed.. but when he never gave me the desires of my heart I got discouraged...

Last year, we (both me and my husband) were introduced to a christian church called CCF (christ commision fellowship)  at the first few sunday services we were feeling out of placed, but yet in our hearts the message of the lord was charging our souls and so we kept on coming back.. from feeling out of placed we found ourselves looking forward to attend again.. and again.. and again.. and we found that church our sunday home....

It was surreal.. I've always wanted to renew my strength and faith with the lord and this church made it happen.. it also helped my husband strengthen his faith more to the lord.. 

I love how spiritually we are changed.. there have been several things in our lives that changed for the better and I couldnt thank anybody but our Father god and our savior Jesus Christ...

I am now in a point in my life where almost everything I do, I always try to get a prescription from God.. I wanted to follow his will.. wanted to do what pleases him.. for there are no other God except him.. 

so I am praying..

I am renewed.. although am still a work in progress I could feel that the lord is working in my heart and life..and I will forever have this thirst in my life.. to have that special bond with the creator of life..

:)