Ive had a terrible day yesterday. We went to my godsons 1st bday/dedication.. first, I want to clearly state that his birthday party was not the reason for my bad day because I love my godson dearly and I am very proud and glad that he has been dedicated to our lord and savior already... but I just felt bad that while I was in the midst of that place, I was surrounded with so many pregnant women.. I've been bitter once again.. feel betrayed by my own body.. felt envious for their gift of motherhood.. of a family.. I felt bad for seeing all those pregnant women who will leave happily and will always have families of their own..
I felt lost.. how will I start? where do I begin life without the one thing I cant have? Career wise, I was baffled because eversince I was a child all I know is when I grow up, I would be a stay at home mom and be a housewife.. but God had a different plan.. and I am trusting him for whatever he has in store for us..and now.. I yesterday I felt lost..
Befor going to bed I prayed to the lord to give me direction to his path.. to give me strength.. and today, after Ive finished watching sunday worships online, theres one thing I've learned.. God deserves to be praised and loved even if we think everything or almost everything has been taken away from us.. and that is the real meaning of faith in God..
Its easy to praise and glorify the lord in the happiest times of our lives but during the hardest.. It is the true praise and glory that the lord is after..
and now in the middle of this chaotic circumstances that I'm in.. I want to apologize to the lord for being bitter and envious.. I should just look up to him and love him because I am noone without him.
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