My dearest Samuel Knox (1st letter to my son)

March 22 2016
1:15 AM

My Love

It has been 8 weeks since I gave birth to you. So much has happened since you came into this world... Just thinking about how much youve grown from the day I first saw you brings pure nostalgia.

I could still remember how small you were.. not that theres already a big difference as far as your size is concern but believe me, being your mom made me treasure and notice every intricate detail you have.

To name a few:
The way you snore so loud while sleeping and sometimes even if youre just super tired..
The way you make this adorable squeaky sound everytime you drink milk..
The way you coo and distort your lips when youre trying to talk back..
The sound of your cry when sleepy or hungry
& the way you move your arms and legs as actively as you can while watching nursery rhymes..

Also, I could notice every change and milestone you make everyday (just like how its your first time tonight to laugh aloud in your sleep, I had to wake your dad so he could see it too! youre just super cute)

In other words,I am just too inlove with you that I recorded every single memory in my head effortlessly..

I want to let you know that youve given me nothing but happiness since the day I found out Im pregnant up to this very moment youre sleeping right beside me.. theres literally no words that I could use yo describe how complete you made me feel anak.. I am super elated as I am also super very blessed..

You are my answered prayer.. my living miracle and Gods greatest reminder of his unending love and faithfulness to me..

As your mother i have so much big dreams and goals for you in this life.. but out of all those grand dreams my biggest prayer and my deepest desire is for you to grow up knowing and following the Lord.. I want you to be God fearing, Happy and knows that I am always here for you no matter what..

I know one day you would be able to read these words and would not remember a single thing but for now I just want to pour my happiness in this letter so you could have a glimpse of how much Ive enjoyed every single moment I spent with you...

There would be thousand more letters anak just because im emotional like that :)

I just want you to know that taking care of you and watching you grow is the greatest privilege and responsibility God has ever entrusted to me and I will always be honored to be called your mom..

Thank you for making me the happiest mother and for making my wish come true!

I love you way too much knox and I would/could die in a heartbeat for you..

Forever here,
MAMA

39 Weeks and 3 days 1/18/16

Today is 1/19/16 but I will be updating from my doctors appt that happened yesterday..
Doctor told me that I am 2 cm dilated but my cervix is still posterior (after I had to google, I found out that it means the cervix is still tilted backwards) and she did stripped my membrane hoping for active labor to start asap.

Anyhow I am measuring 135.6 lbs from my starting weight of between "100-103" lbs.. Making final gain weight approximately around 35 lbs.. not that it really matters but I just want to record it here if incase I forget hehe

Lastly, I feel a little frustrated since I've always thought I would give birth earlier :( A lot of people are asking and nudging  when the baby is coming... (again, not that I dont like but I am also starting to get a little impatient)

Oh well. Baby Samuel has his own time and I will just be patient waiting for him... I already prayed and prayed for a safe and fast delivery since I was 8 months pregnant because I have a very low tolerance for pain....BUT THIS IS THE ONLY MOMENT THAT I FOUND MYSELF IMPATIENTLT AWAITING FOR THE PAIN OF LABOR TO START JUST TO HOLD OUR LITTLE SON IN MY ARMS ALREADY... AHHH!! The joy and sacrificial love of a mother!! I knew I already have in my heart now for my son :)

Hopefully this is the last pregnancy blog and next time I write here, I would be posting about my little darling :)

Our Maternity Shoot at 38 Weeks :)

Here are some of our Maternity Photos *** taken 01.09.16

37 Weeks and 4 days pregnant

January 7 2016

Happy New Year!

I cant believe how 2015 went by that fast... The Lord has blessed me with so much blessings which are all unexpected and surreal...

I will never.. ever.. forget 2015... :)

I dont know what to write about all I know is that I wanted to record my current thoughts before it becomes part of the past.

I am now 37 weeks pregnant. (FULL TERM ALREADY) I still cant believe this pregnancy would already end soon.. I had a blast despite despite all the crazy and ugly effects including my ugly stretchmarks and my swolen face :D

I could give birth any day now and I am so nervous and excited I couldnt explain! I hope and pray that my delivery would be smooth and fast...

Whichever way it happens, I know it would be one heck of a ride! a memory that would forever be etched in my heart...

Dear God... 34 weeks and 5 days pregnant~

Dear Father God,

I just want to pour my gratitude and Thank you in paper. I know these emotions could never be erased in my heart but for what its worth, I still want to remember every little detail of how blessed I feel by your miracle that you provided for us ~ OUR PRECIOUS BABY BOY!~

I am still dazed and so super thankful. (You know how I always whisper "thank you" to you every time I feel my baby kick, move and whenever I remember the sad times of our lives caused by infertility...

I dont know exactly how you want me to repay you for this tremendous blessing all I know is that I want to give back to you by always glorifying your name and by trying to do things that could please you.

For now, I just want to pray for my upcoming labor and delivery that you would guide both me and the baby... Give me strength as you know I have such low tolerance for pain.. Be with me.. peng and our little baby boy and guide us as we embark a new journey of our lives...

I will always be forever thankful.. I am a witness of how great of a father you are by providing this miracle despite our struggle and our infertility BEFORE.

Thank you Lord.. Thank you Father

In jesus name I pray... AMEN

Belly pictures and and late bumpdates

Hello Third Trimester!

Dec 1 2015

I've been out and about that I forgot to update this blog. I feel bad for not updating as often as I wished to do before.. but oh well, things are more hard to juggle when you're pretty busy with things around you.

Anyhow to start this latest update, I am currently 32 weeks (hate to say this but) I'm really having a hard time dealing with hemorrhoids /never thought it could hurt this much/ but oh well as I've said over and over since the day I got pregnant "I wouldnt change a thing."
hehe but kidding aside, some of my symptoms that are all gone during the second trimester are all coming again with a vengeance! I thought I wouldnt even get loads of stretch marks since I've been so religous in applying oils, lotions and creams but boy I was wrong.. I got them pretty early at 6-7 month! and now that i'm in my 8th month they look horrible! and this is another "oh well" moment for me. hehe Not to end there, my armpits suddenly looked like there was a shadow all the time (if you know what I mean)

...... I feel bad for reporting negative symptoms such as the ones I mentioned earlier but this is reality.. I dont have and need to sugarcoat it because it only means that pregnancy is real and and the fact that I am pregnant and feeling all these beautiful and crazy hormones means that the Lord delivered our prayers.. that miracle is happening in our lives through this growing child inside my womb..., So despite the bad symptoms I still feel the most luckiest and blessed woman in the world to be experiencing this gift called life through pregnancy... specially in our case "natural pregnancy after 4 yrs of infertility".

I've learned to see the beauty in everything and thank the lord for every twists and turns this pregnancy might bring... and as long as this means I'm growing a child from the lord I could tolerate and I could withstand the pain.. My prayer is just strength to overcome all of the pain so I could still be as thankful and blessed regardless..

I always try to give back all the praise and glory to the Lord and whatever it is that's happening with me now, I am still most blessed!!!