Motherhood has changed me - Not just in small simple ways but also in the most profound ways I never thought could and would take place. It has changed me to be the best version of myself because it has been a dream for so long it suddenly made me the happiest person I could ever be.
Ever since becoming a Mom, it made me discover sides of me I never knew existed. I suddenly discovered a more sentimental (bec I was already sentimental to begin with), compassionate, health conscious (bec, I suddenly feared to die so soon for my children) forgiving, playful version side of myself - But most especially, I've met a new side of me who is way stronger than who I really thought I was.
I remember, before I gave birth to my eldest son via normal delivery, I had so much fear that I may not make it without such complications bec of my very low pain tolerance but because the Lord, our Lord - is so gracious I still was able to deliver my youngest son 14 months after.
You see, Being a mom of two boys is not the easiest thing to do in the world considering that they are only 14 mos apart. They are honestly the wildest most active little creatures I've ever encountered in my life on a daily- but kidding aside, I have to admit that majority of my days as a stay at home mom are hard - multitasking every minute and always making sure both of their needs are met.
There are also those super hard times where I whisper to the Lord "time out po muna, kahit 10 mins of quiet lang." only to hear my youngest son crying for milk or my eldest throwing my laptop in the air because he thinks its fun. yeah right.
Yet, i always say to myself that despite all of these, I know for a fact that I wouldn't ever trade this life for the world.
Every day I push myself to my limits only to discover that in the end, A mothers love is truthfully and amazingly limitless.
Because the truth is, There are no timeouts even if it means not sleeping straight or waking up every 30 mins or so just to attend to my baby's needs. I could not stop them from asking for me and all that I have to do is cater them and love them with all my heart.
Thursday, November 8, 2018
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
As you sleep
10. 17. 18
Knox
Tonight as I carry you in my chest and look into your sleeping face, I felt your weight and clearly notice how big you've gotten and then out of nowhere, I cried.
I suddenly remember the day I first held you in my arms. You were so tiny I can't even feel your weight bec you barely weigh so much to hurt my arm.
Now, everything is flashing back in my mind and making me cry one more time. I ask myself "until when do I get to do this?" "Until when will you not sleep without me even if you're so already tired and sleepy?" "until when will you want to hug me to sleep?" "until when will you make me your world? and mostly, "Until when will you love and need me as much as you do now?"
I cry again because I know that the days are numbered. soon enough, You will grow up.. and obviously, I can't pause the time so I am just cherishing every moment with you this small. One day, you will grow up and slowly by slowly, you will be needing me less and less every day. I know that when that time comes, my heart will ache for missing the days where I could hold you all night and confidently know that I am everything you need in this life - but I also know that my heart would also cheer for you and be proud of the person I raised you to be -
My love, You are my favorite part of my life - YOU AND YOUR BROTHER, NOAH-
Thank you for making me your mother and thank you for being my son.
I love you with all that I have and more.
Cherish
Cherish that 2 lines that say "Positive"
Because one day it will fade and disappear along with time
Cherish that one final push
Because despite how painful it seems,
that is the start of his life
and more importnantly,
a start of your new life too
Cherish that precious newborn cry
Because one day he will cry
and it will sound different already
Cherish his tiny little hands and feet
it's growing bigger everyday
Cherish the moments that you can still easily carry him and wrap in your arms
Because he will soon outgrow your arms in the coming months and years
Cherish the small transitions that come along his monthly milestone
Because one day, you will wonder why and how did he grow up so fast
Cherish the good days
the beautiful and easy days
because it is the highlight of your time together
and it will never be relived someday
But most of all,
Cherish the bad days, the hard ones and the days you swore you felt like giving up
Remember it all
Because those are the days that testify your love as a mother
-pure, giving and limitless-
Friday, March 2, 2018
A Letter to my 2nd born on his 1st birthday
March 1, 2018
Noah
Time truly flew so fast and I honestly still couldn't believe it has already been a yr since I gave birth to you. Since you came into our lives.
I sometimes wish time flies a little slower so I can cherish you a little more while you are still a baby. (I mean, less than 1 yr baby) but also, there are also those moments where i can't wait to watch you grow. To converse with you. To Get to know the little personality God has marked you with. I'm already excited because we can already tell that you will have a happy disposition in life because, at such a young age, you are already a happy baby! You smile and laugh so easily it's freakin adorable.
Noah
Time truly flew so fast and I honestly still couldn't believe it has already been a yr since I gave birth to you. Since you came into our lives.
I sometimes wish time flies a little slower so I can cherish you a little more while you are still a baby. (I mean, less than 1 yr baby) but also, there are also those moments where i can't wait to watch you grow. To converse with you. To Get to know the little personality God has marked you with. I'm already excited because we can already tell that you will have a happy disposition in life because, at such a young age, you are already a happy baby! You smile and laugh so easily it's freakin adorable.
Also, since you were born and up to now, you were always the clingy one. You always want me to carry you. To hug you. To be near you. And if not, you cry oh so hysterically. I admit that I sometimes get frustrated whenever I can't do other things because I am holding you all the time, but deep within my inner motherly soul, I wish and pray that you will never change.
Because one day I know that you will grow and I will miss your cries. One day you will grow and won't be needing me near you all the time anymore.
My dear Noah, I hope you will always know how much I love you.
The past year of having you, taking care of you and lastly of loving you flew so quick as I also have your kuya Knox to attend to and care and love everyday. I get so busy with the two of you I couldn't get a hold of the time as easily anymore.
I apologize in advance if I rarely have the chance to only focus my time on you because you and your brother always have to share my time. But believe me and I promise you that my love will never be shared because I love you both with all my heart equally.
But today, it's all about you. It will be your birthday in a few weeks. The day you came into our lives made me the happiest mom - yes its definitely tiring but as I always say this. I 2 couldn't have it any other way still.
I want to wish you a happy happy birthday my son. I pray (I always pray) that God would keep you safe and guide you all the time. That you will always know the lord and follow him all the time. I pray that in this life you have, you will know that I am always and when I say always I mean forever - always be here for you to support you, take care of you and mostly to love you for the rest of your & my life. I want you to be confident in this world that you have a mother who will teach you things that are not taught in school and could fight with you through battles that you will have to face.
I love you my sweet and happy boy with all of my heart and soul.
Happy Happy 1st Birthday!
Mama
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
Noah Elian - Birth Story
Aug 2 2017 (a super late post but as they say, it's always better late than never)
It was March 20 of 2017 when me and peng went to the hospital for my 38th week checkup and to check if I was already dilated some more because the previous week I was already 2 cm dilated.
As far as I remember, I was super ready to give birth when I entered my 36th week into the pregnancy because I was already having pregnancy insomnia (also happened with my 1st pregnancy) and I was super anxious to be a mom of 2 I couldnt wait anymore.
During my checkup, I still remember that my Obgyn stripped my membrane and told me that I was going into labor that same night and true enough at around 9pm false contractions were taking place but doensnt have a regular rhythm where it allowed us to think that it was real contractions already.. I was praying and asked the Lord to guide me and give me strength if it was really happening.. I was scared.. sad (that knox will no longer be my only baby) but also excited & hopeful about my next journey... and that is being a mom of 2.. I know that in this journey, God is with me, he chose me to have this life.. I still remember how i feel.. mixed of emotions that I couldnt exactly explain.
Then at around 1 am I was chatting with my sister and remember telling her I am already feeling some pain but timing it, the pain wasnt every 5 mins apart..
But close to 2 pm even though the contractions were not regular as I hoped, it got stronger & stronger I couldnt manage the pain anymore... so I told peng that maybe we should head out to the hosp and he was also looking forward for our 2nd baby too..
I remember how I kissed Knox goodbye... I was feeling sentimental but dont want to focus on the sad part but just on the positive because I dont want to feel bad for the arrival of our second baby so as much as i remember feeling nostalgic and sad I fought hard to focus on the good.
On our way to the hosp.. We went to mcdonalds for a drivethru (same routine i did before giving birth to knox) and ordered my last meal before giving birth..
As soon as we went to The Medical City we went straight to the 5th floor (labor and delivery) and I got checked in and asked to change to the hospital gown that they provided. While contractions were getting stronger i still remember being wheeled to the labor room without my husband. It was a scary experience because in the states when I gave birth to knox I was checked in a birthing suite with my family also inside the room. So being alone in the middle of contractions without my husband with me is downright scary already. The nurse was assuring me that my husband just needs to fill up some information and will be in the labor room after. True enough, after a few mins or hrs of pain and after bugging some of the nurses peng was sitted beside me and I felt a huge relief.
When the pain worsen, I asked the nurses if I could already have my epidural and at that point I was already trembling because of the pain. Of course, when asked to curl up so they can inject the anesthesia in my spine I was already in tears.
After that, my world was slowly comforted with the holy medicine! I still can't believe how I got to nap during my labor because of the epidural. When the anesthesiologist talked to me she warned me that it will fade and that I should approach someone to refill the meds as soon as I start to feel pain any again. When the anesthesia was wearing off, I remember asking the nurse to refill the meds but I was told that the anesthesiologist was still busy with another patient. When my obgyn entered the room she told me she would pop my water bag but I still wasn't ready bec the anesthesia was almost wearing off.. The doctor for some reason told me that it will Take A while to go into actual pushing after she pops my waterbag so she still insisted anyway. (and that is the major reason I wouldnt go back to her anymore - if I ever get pregnant again.)
If there's one thing I regret during that time was that I agreed to have my waterbag popped with my medication wearing off.. Because after the doctor popped my waterbag I was already in deep excruciating pain.. I remember saying the specific bible verse of Philippians 4:13 which reads "I can do all things through christ who strengthen me" over in over in the midst of the pain to convince myself that I can do it through Gods help.
When the anesthesiologist went in for the refill of my anesthesia they discovered that the needle in my spine got blocked and that they had to inject me again! That was the worst part of all.. I was injected in my spine twice so they could give some more anesthesia while I was already at 9 cm and the anesthesia was wearing off...
When the doctor asked me if I was already feeling some urge to push I said yes.
Next thing I know was the nurses advised peng to get the camera because it was already time for me to push.
When being wheeled to the delivery room, I kept on asking the anesthesiologist to inject more epidural because I am still in deep pain. Moreso, I was super nervous that I might give birth feeling everything. I know I doubted myself because I know that I have a very low pain tolerance.. When they were prepping me to push I could finally feel a little numb so I knew the medicine was already taking effect.
March 21 2017.. Around 5 am.. I pushed.. I believe I pushed 4 times and baby Noah -our 2nd baby boy (Noah Elian) was out.. It was surreal when i heard my 2nd baby cry for the first time... I noticed how pail he is and that he resembles a lot like his older brother. I can hear and see peng crying too (those sobs I wouldn't forget, same thing I heard when knox was about to introduce himself) .. I, on the other hand was in tears of stress (hehe).. Not that I'm not emotional but I am still super exhausted with everything that happened given that I thought I would give birth unmedicated.
But yes.. I am. Still. Emotional. I fell in love at first sight again for the second time.. My feelings were surreal I couldn't explain. I am already a mom of 2!
After they places noah on my chest to breastfeed I knew that moment is the start of so many changes in my life. Minutes later while the doctor is stitching the part "down there" they injected some sleep inducing drug bec I instantly fell asleep.
When I woke up, I was in the recovery room and immediately saw the nurse so I called her and asked where my baby is.. She told me the baby is still in the nursery and will be handed to me in a while so he could latch and eat. I remember how excited I was that moment.. I was alone.. Peng was in the room waiting for me as he is not allowed in the recovery room..as far as I remember it was around 9am when I woke up..
The sleep recharged my body. I was all ready to see and carry Noah..I was feeling all kinds of excitement and I still waited quite a few minutes.. when I heard a something thats being wheeled in the room I was already hoping it was noah so the nurses was talking and checking the details of the baby and I even heard the nurse said "ang puti" (so fair) and I just assumed it was him already.. true enough the nurse read "Baby boy Mendiola" and there I met my son for the 2nd time that day.
It was March 20 of 2017 when me and peng went to the hospital for my 38th week checkup and to check if I was already dilated some more because the previous week I was already 2 cm dilated.
As far as I remember, I was super ready to give birth when I entered my 36th week into the pregnancy because I was already having pregnancy insomnia (also happened with my 1st pregnancy) and I was super anxious to be a mom of 2 I couldnt wait anymore.
During my checkup, I still remember that my Obgyn stripped my membrane and told me that I was going into labor that same night and true enough at around 9pm false contractions were taking place but doensnt have a regular rhythm where it allowed us to think that it was real contractions already.. I was praying and asked the Lord to guide me and give me strength if it was really happening.. I was scared.. sad (that knox will no longer be my only baby) but also excited & hopeful about my next journey... and that is being a mom of 2.. I know that in this journey, God is with me, he chose me to have this life.. I still remember how i feel.. mixed of emotions that I couldnt exactly explain.
Then at around 1 am I was chatting with my sister and remember telling her I am already feeling some pain but timing it, the pain wasnt every 5 mins apart..
But close to 2 pm even though the contractions were not regular as I hoped, it got stronger & stronger I couldnt manage the pain anymore... so I told peng that maybe we should head out to the hosp and he was also looking forward for our 2nd baby too..
I remember how I kissed Knox goodbye... I was feeling sentimental but dont want to focus on the sad part but just on the positive because I dont want to feel bad for the arrival of our second baby so as much as i remember feeling nostalgic and sad I fought hard to focus on the good.
On our way to the hosp.. We went to mcdonalds for a drivethru (same routine i did before giving birth to knox) and ordered my last meal before giving birth..
As soon as we went to The Medical City we went straight to the 5th floor (labor and delivery) and I got checked in and asked to change to the hospital gown that they provided. While contractions were getting stronger i still remember being wheeled to the labor room without my husband. It was a scary experience because in the states when I gave birth to knox I was checked in a birthing suite with my family also inside the room. So being alone in the middle of contractions without my husband with me is downright scary already. The nurse was assuring me that my husband just needs to fill up some information and will be in the labor room after. True enough, after a few mins or hrs of pain and after bugging some of the nurses peng was sitted beside me and I felt a huge relief.
When the pain worsen, I asked the nurses if I could already have my epidural and at that point I was already trembling because of the pain. Of course, when asked to curl up so they can inject the anesthesia in my spine I was already in tears.
After that, my world was slowly comforted with the holy medicine! I still can't believe how I got to nap during my labor because of the epidural. When the anesthesiologist talked to me she warned me that it will fade and that I should approach someone to refill the meds as soon as I start to feel pain any again. When the anesthesia was wearing off, I remember asking the nurse to refill the meds but I was told that the anesthesiologist was still busy with another patient. When my obgyn entered the room she told me she would pop my water bag but I still wasn't ready bec the anesthesia was almost wearing off.. The doctor for some reason told me that it will Take A while to go into actual pushing after she pops my waterbag so she still insisted anyway. (and that is the major reason I wouldnt go back to her anymore - if I ever get pregnant again.)
If there's one thing I regret during that time was that I agreed to have my waterbag popped with my medication wearing off.. Because after the doctor popped my waterbag I was already in deep excruciating pain.. I remember saying the specific bible verse of Philippians 4:13 which reads "I can do all things through christ who strengthen me" over in over in the midst of the pain to convince myself that I can do it through Gods help.
When the anesthesiologist went in for the refill of my anesthesia they discovered that the needle in my spine got blocked and that they had to inject me again! That was the worst part of all.. I was injected in my spine twice so they could give some more anesthesia while I was already at 9 cm and the anesthesia was wearing off...
When the doctor asked me if I was already feeling some urge to push I said yes.
Next thing I know was the nurses advised peng to get the camera because it was already time for me to push.
When being wheeled to the delivery room, I kept on asking the anesthesiologist to inject more epidural because I am still in deep pain. Moreso, I was super nervous that I might give birth feeling everything. I know I doubted myself because I know that I have a very low pain tolerance.. When they were prepping me to push I could finally feel a little numb so I knew the medicine was already taking effect.
March 21 2017.. Around 5 am.. I pushed.. I believe I pushed 4 times and baby Noah -our 2nd baby boy (Noah Elian) was out.. It was surreal when i heard my 2nd baby cry for the first time... I noticed how pail he is and that he resembles a lot like his older brother. I can hear and see peng crying too (those sobs I wouldn't forget, same thing I heard when knox was about to introduce himself) .. I, on the other hand was in tears of stress (hehe).. Not that I'm not emotional but I am still super exhausted with everything that happened given that I thought I would give birth unmedicated.
But yes.. I am. Still. Emotional. I fell in love at first sight again for the second time.. My feelings were surreal I couldn't explain. I am already a mom of 2!
After they places noah on my chest to breastfeed I knew that moment is the start of so many changes in my life. Minutes later while the doctor is stitching the part "down there" they injected some sleep inducing drug bec I instantly fell asleep.
When I woke up, I was in the recovery room and immediately saw the nurse so I called her and asked where my baby is.. She told me the baby is still in the nursery and will be handed to me in a while so he could latch and eat. I remember how excited I was that moment.. I was alone.. Peng was in the room waiting for me as he is not allowed in the recovery room..as far as I remember it was around 9am when I woke up..
The sleep recharged my body. I was all ready to see and carry Noah..I was feeling all kinds of excitement and I still waited quite a few minutes.. when I heard a something thats being wheeled in the room I was already hoping it was noah so the nurses was talking and checking the details of the baby and I even heard the nurse said "ang puti" (so fair) and I just assumed it was him already.. true enough the nurse read "Baby boy Mendiola" and there I met my son for the 2nd time that day.
We named him Noah Elian
Noah means Comfort (from the bible) and Elian means Lord is my God.
~Noah Elian~
6.9 lbs
18.5 "
March 21 2017
We dedicate our gratefulness to You, oh Lord!
Thank you for your faithfulness.
Giving back all the glory and praise to you!
Wednesday, August 2, 2017
Happiest 1st birthday my love!
Feb 3 2017
Dear Knox,
Your birthday just passed (Jan 26 2017) and I just got busy planning, organizing and dealing with your first birthday party that happened last Jan 28 (sat) so pardon that this entry is a bit late.
Anyways.. I've always wanted to write you a letter or to compose and pick the best and right words to tell you how I feel now that you just turned 1 so even though I'm a few days late I will still do it now....
I just want to let you know how much I find my love for you amazing in every way.. Amazing that just by thinking about it, it already makes me cry.. Why? Because it's overflowing it's overpowering all the other emotions I have as your mom... You made me discover and feel a greater kind of love I never knew existed... I am so thankful to God that my journey is finally set here.. I am now a mom.. Many years I've prayed, longed and yearned for this special role and Im finally owning it now by God's grace!.
You are my son and I know that the Lord handpicked us to be each other's own.. I love how the Lord gave me you as my child.. You are so special.. You are so smart.. You are so sweet (though you're still not big enough to know) it makes me feel nostalgic whenever I look back and remember the 1st time I saw you after I gave birth to you.. They say 'babies grow fast' and I agree with those who made that statement as it stands up to this very day.. The past year with you was a lot to take in actually.. I am still figuring the unknown journey of parenthood.. I am always physically drained (yes) but also emotionally fulfilled everyday.. Knox, I want you to know that your presence alone fills up my life and all the empty spaces in between.. I found my sanity in you. You change me in ways I never thought possible.. You make me a better person.. Thank you, Anak!
Loving you, taking care of you and Watching you grow makes my life complete.. I feel sad sometimes that time gets too fast and I don't get to hold on and pause the moments a little longer but I am also in awe, happy and excited to see your next step..Your Next growth.. And also your next journey ahead..
I Always pray that God would guide and lead you to the right path.. That you will always be a happy, smart, healthy and above all, a God fearing person..
And on your 1st bday my prayer is for you to always know how much great my love is for you.. Know that it will never be lost nor stolen because it is etched here in my heart and it is here to stay forever (only it grow more and more stronger everyday).
I love you so very much. Actually there's no right words to describe how much.. All in all, I just want to Thank you for being the sunshine in my life!
Dear Knox,
Your birthday just passed (Jan 26 2017) and I just got busy planning, organizing and dealing with your first birthday party that happened last Jan 28 (sat) so pardon that this entry is a bit late.
Anyways.. I've always wanted to write you a letter or to compose and pick the best and right words to tell you how I feel now that you just turned 1 so even though I'm a few days late I will still do it now....
I just want to let you know how much I find my love for you amazing in every way.. Amazing that just by thinking about it, it already makes me cry.. Why? Because it's overflowing it's overpowering all the other emotions I have as your mom... You made me discover and feel a greater kind of love I never knew existed... I am so thankful to God that my journey is finally set here.. I am now a mom.. Many years I've prayed, longed and yearned for this special role and Im finally owning it now by God's grace!.
You are my son and I know that the Lord handpicked us to be each other's own.. I love how the Lord gave me you as my child.. You are so special.. You are so smart.. You are so sweet (though you're still not big enough to know) it makes me feel nostalgic whenever I look back and remember the 1st time I saw you after I gave birth to you.. They say 'babies grow fast' and I agree with those who made that statement as it stands up to this very day.. The past year with you was a lot to take in actually.. I am still figuring the unknown journey of parenthood.. I am always physically drained (yes) but also emotionally fulfilled everyday.. Knox, I want you to know that your presence alone fills up my life and all the empty spaces in between.. I found my sanity in you. You change me in ways I never thought possible.. You make me a better person.. Thank you, Anak!
Loving you, taking care of you and Watching you grow makes my life complete.. I feel sad sometimes that time gets too fast and I don't get to hold on and pause the moments a little longer but I am also in awe, happy and excited to see your next step..Your Next growth.. And also your next journey ahead..
I Always pray that God would guide and lead you to the right path.. That you will always be a happy, smart, healthy and above all, a God fearing person..
And on your 1st bday my prayer is for you to always know how much great my love is for you.. Know that it will never be lost nor stolen because it is etched here in my heart and it is here to stay forever (only it grow more and more stronger everyday).
I love you so very much. Actually there's no right words to describe how much.. All in all, I just want to Thank you for being the sunshine in my life!
Thursday, May 18, 2017
Mommy of 2 babies under 2
It's kind of amazing that I can write now as my 1st baby who is (13 mos old) is having his afternoon nap and my 2nd baby (almost 2 mos old) is sleeping peacefully on my chest while i babywear him with my ktan. (btw, i really recommend baby ktan it help moms continue to do things while carrying their babies!..)
Well, I am excited to be having just minutes of break.. I consider my "me time"and "rest" during the hours that my kids are asleep.. you see.. eversince I became a mom of 2 (yes 2, because when I just had 1 baby my time and day was still a breeze hehe) not that i'm complaining but let me continue.. as soon as I became a mom of 2 babies it feels that I now live in a fast paced world and getting things done could be so time consuming or exhausting.. I always hate to sound like I am complaining or throwing not so good words to describe the feeling (specially with what weve been through) but I have to stay as real as possible to whats truly happening in reality.
Yes, its true I have to admit that having babies under 2 is a no joke exhaustion... As soon as you wake up in the morning its like you press the fast farword button and just press play as soon as your little ones sleep because thats when you can really take it slow but its only for an hr or 2... I am still very thankful though that we are here in manila where having a yaya or a help is possible because now that my eldest has his own yaya meaning she is the one who is constantly watching over him while I get busy with my newborn (gives him a bath, feed him, walk him outside for exercise, plays with him, cleans and sterilizes his feeding bottles, washes and folds his clothes and she even cleans our room!) whew, I know you would say how can it still be exhausted when you have a maid!?!? hahaha
believe it or not it still is... because while the nanny is busy with my eldest I am busy with the youngest.. and during the times when I let her rest and my 2 awake babies are with me the world seems 4 x faster!!! my toddler , Knox is a handful and still needs to be guided with his every step because he is just beginning to walk,,,he gets and throws almost all the things that catch his interest and is truly 1 active little boy while on the other hand, my almost 2 month old Noah is persistent that when awake, he doesnt want to be left at either on bed or on his swing... so he consistently wants to be carried and swayed...
being the kind of mom who always tries to find for solution.. I tried my best to look for remedies and found that a baby hammock or DUYAN in tagalog is really helpful so I went to the market and bought his very own.. while it is true that its helpful he still wants to be carried most of the time...
My life in a fast paced world with my 2 kids make me the tirdest but also the happiest... The lord made a miracle when i first got pregnant with knox and he suprised me with a new miracle the second time he made me a mom with noah... as I said to my husband during one of our random conversations, " I wouldnt have it any other way"... "its perfect the way it is." perfect because my kids are the lords reminder for me that he answers prayer and delivers miracle.. :) Despite the exhaustion and despite how many times I whispered and prayed for them to have "longer naps" so I can have "longer rests" only to see that 1 baby (or 2) wakes up already hehehe I am happy... In fact this is the happiest that Ive ever been in my life and i know I could not be any happier !! or maybe in 3 or 4 yrs when God permits that I will get pregnant with a baby girl I could still be more happy hehehe
But for now I am super happy.. tired? yes! drained? oh yes! but blessed? VERY BLESSED!!!
I always pray to God that he would always give me strength both emotionally and physically so I could take care of my two littles well :)
Well, I am excited to be having just minutes of break.. I consider my "me time"and "rest" during the hours that my kids are asleep.. you see.. eversince I became a mom of 2 (yes 2, because when I just had 1 baby my time and day was still a breeze hehe) not that i'm complaining but let me continue.. as soon as I became a mom of 2 babies it feels that I now live in a fast paced world and getting things done could be so time consuming or exhausting.. I always hate to sound like I am complaining or throwing not so good words to describe the feeling (specially with what weve been through) but I have to stay as real as possible to whats truly happening in reality.
Yes, its true I have to admit that having babies under 2 is a no joke exhaustion... As soon as you wake up in the morning its like you press the fast farword button and just press play as soon as your little ones sleep because thats when you can really take it slow but its only for an hr or 2... I am still very thankful though that we are here in manila where having a yaya or a help is possible because now that my eldest has his own yaya meaning she is the one who is constantly watching over him while I get busy with my newborn (gives him a bath, feed him, walk him outside for exercise, plays with him, cleans and sterilizes his feeding bottles, washes and folds his clothes and she even cleans our room!) whew, I know you would say how can it still be exhausted when you have a maid!?!? hahaha
believe it or not it still is... because while the nanny is busy with my eldest I am busy with the youngest.. and during the times when I let her rest and my 2 awake babies are with me the world seems 4 x faster!!! my toddler , Knox is a handful and still needs to be guided with his every step because he is just beginning to walk,,,he gets and throws almost all the things that catch his interest and is truly 1 active little boy while on the other hand, my almost 2 month old Noah is persistent that when awake, he doesnt want to be left at either on bed or on his swing... so he consistently wants to be carried and swayed...
being the kind of mom who always tries to find for solution.. I tried my best to look for remedies and found that a baby hammock or DUYAN in tagalog is really helpful so I went to the market and bought his very own.. while it is true that its helpful he still wants to be carried most of the time...
My life in a fast paced world with my 2 kids make me the tirdest but also the happiest... The lord made a miracle when i first got pregnant with knox and he suprised me with a new miracle the second time he made me a mom with noah... as I said to my husband during one of our random conversations, " I wouldnt have it any other way"... "its perfect the way it is." perfect because my kids are the lords reminder for me that he answers prayer and delivers miracle.. :) Despite the exhaustion and despite how many times I whispered and prayed for them to have "longer naps" so I can have "longer rests" only to see that 1 baby (or 2) wakes up already hehehe I am happy... In fact this is the happiest that Ive ever been in my life and i know I could not be any happier !! or maybe in 3 or 4 yrs when God permits that I will get pregnant with a baby girl I could still be more happy hehehe
But for now I am super happy.. tired? yes! drained? oh yes! but blessed? VERY BLESSED!!!
I always pray to God that he would always give me strength both emotionally and physically so I could take care of my two littles well :)
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